I chose to keep you over honesty
because honestly you’re all of me
I keep secrets so insolently
Until you mastered my anomaly
You had become that vivid dream
To equate my guilt to self esteem
And in the midst of all my oversight
You over see my over bite
That tears your flesh to pull you back
Like whip lash in a highway crash
I saved you from your pavement rash
And sat you down in windshield glass
Beside the gas tank that’s leaking
Unlike the skeletons I’m keeping
Tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight I realized that I haven’t written in a moment
So instead of all the thoughts coming through these keys like vomit
I sit and send to you only a mixture of the truth
A serum for your appetite , I tried digesting youth.
But I am blank.
Blank.
Blank.
And I have no one to thank , just everyone to hate
For all these things I can’t construe.
I am a selfish verb of human.
The anatomy is ruined, but there is nothing as congruent
As when set side by side to you.
You’re that word on the tip of my tongue that hides between the tooth and gum
That wraps its arms around my lips, until the strength so strong the secrets slip
It choked me with excessive spit, I used to wonder when you’d crack your whip
But it would have taken me forever, just to put those words together.
They came out like a knife cutting through a block of ice.
I watched you separate yourself and once you melted, you would rise
And you’d understand the air that surrounded you and I
But not because you spoke of oxygen or what keeps us on the ground.
But because my gravity would always be what brought you back around.
A force so strong you can’t resist, next time you’ll close your ears when secrets slip.
You didn’t teach her how the sky was blue or how it got its name
But you showed her shapes inside the clouds that eventually would rain
Circles in her eyes matched her iris, clung like ivy to a stem.
As the rain would hit the flowers they would grow into your hands
And come out from your palms
They would come into existence when she fell into your arms
They would find their place among the grass that was underneath bare feet
And the cold was never freezing because the warmth that bodies keep
She looked at you like freedom from whatever bound her down
And soon enough you knew you weren’t just bodies in the ground.
I can make decisions now that have the chance to change my life
And Saying that something has to be right or wrong is saying its black and white
You know, rational thoughts never seem to phase the gray inside my mind
But who determines balance? Fuck, Who determines grace?
I cannot work for circumstance when it bestows my fate.
I always look for good fortunes but never notice what it pays
Because I’m always thinking of my future and neglecting what I have today.
Actions can speak volumes but I can never turn them down
There is just something in the chaos that makes for better sound.
I just had to listen closely, I just had to listen hard.
My feelings are subjective , most don’t see this as art
But I create my growth like I created all my dark
May a sudden pit in my stomach hit
send an S.O.S straight to my heart.
I’ll miss the way you touch me with that solid grip of spit.
And the corrosion on your hands that you thought made up for your kiss .
I’ll miss the way you leave when I haven’t said a word.
And the way you throw out grudges and expect them not to hurt.
That always fucking kills but I want you to have your way.
Because your company means more to me then anything you’ll say.
I’ll miss the thorns settled in my side right below the surface.
When I try to take them out and then you tell me I deserve it.
You used to think that I was worth it, I think I miss that most of all.
But there is nothing I can do, just pick up where you left off.
And I hope you’re happy here, you always said just two more weeks.
But if you ever think of love again, I hope you think of me.
As I will think of you
In the only way you have taught me to.
Like a window, you fell on the other side and the reflection of myself.
You were the owl in the tree that peered in through the dark , observing my traditions.
You looked at me.
You stared at me.
You gave yourself to me with those eyes and in that moment I felt my pores divide.
I had become the better being.
My fingers eclipsed to hollow bones
and my mouth turned black in a centered V.
I had become the watcher, the same one peering out at me.
you see this now like I never did, but I fed you lies preserved for kids.
An owl will rot in hell for this but if you ever see my shackles.
There’s nothing I can’t handle.
I’ll prey for you on the other side when we fly forever in separate lives.
We laid under the trees like it was the first time we saw the sky,
And you fell aware of the leaves as you were aware of my eyes
Staring at your nose blushed red with winters cold.
I told you to wear a jacket but you said, ” Im not 4 years old”
Though I treated you like glass and you demanded that I act
More like the person that you always knew I was.
That’s what made the dark find an exit from my heart.
You shared with me the same disease and all the other parts.
I never had to say it because you always knew the tune
And I would always let you tell it even if I heard the news.
Just for the excitement watching you shed off the thickest skin.
Or the sin inside your grin when you played games you thought you’d win.
The beauty of it all bared deeper than any claw.
Deeper than any fault, deeper than any flaw.
And it all felt just the same with your talons in my viens.
Reminding me of our youth and all of the things we thought we knew.
But not a moment we pushed through, just to mend what we outgrew,
Wasn’t worth the effort to bring me back to you.
I put my bravery in that bottle so don’t throw the cap away.
I’ll save it for tomorrow or in fact another day.
Where the thoughts don’t seem to stop.
Where I let the demons play.
They run circles in my mind while they dance on top my brain.
I cant always play the victim, but here I go again.
Watch me sugar coat the severed throat that spits out all reason.
It’s the way I was always taught.
It’s the way I’ve always been.
“Fend for yourself.”
Though “I” came up with the resentment towards my friends.
Friends you say ? end.
I just split the cost with what was lost through the prescription in this lens.
I would rather see instead of hear when you send whispers to deaf ears.
Its hindsight 20/20..
And we’ve been this way for years.
